Childcare & Societal Pressures

I can now look back on the days before I had kids, and feel utmost compassion for any time a coworker needed to take off work because they did not have childcare. I remember always thinking, "Aw man, that sucks." But now, I KNOW how much it sucks. School closures, daycare closures, kids being sick, school breaks...I have two little ones - one is in daycare and the other is in kindergarten - and they follow two different school calendars. That sure adds to the fun.

When I need to leave work or take off work due to not having childcare, I just can't help but feel guilty. Of course I am going to put my kids first and I am happy to be there for them, but there is still that twinge of guilt for not being able to work, especially when someone else has to pick up my slack. I know that people understand, and they are always so nice, but I still completely get it if they feel even slight annoyance at the fact that I need to take off work.

I'm not going to make this post all about moms, because I know there are plenty of dads that are extremely involved. I absolutely love the direction we are heading as a society in terms of eliminating the stigma that the mom does everything for the kids and the dad is hands off. In fact, my husband was the one who took PTO to go pick up our daughter from daycare today when she got sick (that dang Norovirus...), and I'm taking off tomorrow to be with her. We're a team. However, although society is gradually moving away from the old family dynamic from the 50's to a more modern dynamic where dads are very involved, I swear there is still that extra pressure on moms. Yes, we have come a long way - it is super normal for moms to work (even though a lot of times it is because these days families cannot afford to live off one income). But now I feel that moms are expected to work full-time AND somehow still do most of the things they used to do before being a working mom was "normal". How can we possibly work full-time and be a parent full-time? That's not how time works. Is this a pressure we are putting on ourselves? Or is it still even subconsciously out there - the pressure for the mom to "do it all"? I think it's a combination of both. There are still dads that hear comments like "That's so nice, are you babysitting the kids today so mom can have a break?" when the dad is with the kids out in public without the mom. Those words would never be said to a mom who is with the kids without the dad. This is quite insulting to the dad, and at the same time just perpetuates the narrative that the mom is supposed to be the one doing all the kid-related things, all the time.

Anyway, back to the childcare woes. To all the parents with little kids - I see you, I feel you, I hear you. It's tough out there. But you're killing it. On the days where you have to take off work to stay home with the kids, it can feel very overwhelming. Especially if it turns into multiple days in a row. But we will get through. Also, this has been the longest winter of all time, which makes it even more difficult. The cabin fever is just as real as the regular fevers that winter brings. Spring will come, eventually!